


When Diggle's Away

by pictureswithboxes



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, General idiocy, Recreational Drug Use, murder mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 01:06:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8777056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pictureswithboxes/pseuds/pictureswithboxes
Summary: An AU where Oliver, Laurel, Felicity, and Sara are stoned college students who make idiots of themselves and generally act like fools.





	

Honestly, the incident that had occurred that afternoon was Diggle’s fault. Though a case could be argued that the blame could be shared with Laurel, purely because she let it all happen. But even then, it was Diggle who had called to cancel on the first weekend of their winter break, the only time they thought the whole group was going to be together before they went their separate ways for the holidays. 

“Yeah, Dig, I understand.” Oliver sighed into the phone as they pulled up into a red light. “No, it’s fine.” Oliver chuckled a little. “Like I’m going to tell you that you can’t pick your family over your friends, how many times have I ditched you to be with my dad or Thea?”

“Hundreds.” Laurel said from the passenger, earning a laugh from the backseat of the car. 

“Maybe he was just trying to get away from you.” Sara supplied, kicking the back of Laurel’s seat just hard enough to bother her. 

“I wish I could get away from  _ you _ .” Laurel snapped, leaning back to smack Sara on the knee. 

“Can you both go ten minutes without resorting to physical violence?” Felicity asked, leaning her head against the window. 

“I used to ask them the same thing in high school.” Oliver said as he hung up the phone. “Dig’s gonna be late, by the way. In case you guys weren’t listening.”

“Did he say why?” Laurel asked as the light turned green. 

“Some family thing with his brother.” Oliver shrugged, taking a right turn and driving down the road a while. “He said he’d be by later tonight, tomorrow morning if he’s late.”

Felicity’s brow furrowed after a few minutes. “Oliver, do you even know where you live?” 

The Queen house was in a completely different direction than the one Oliver chose to take. Normally Felicity would choose not to say anything, since most people were confidant in another person’s ability to find their own home in their own home town. But today it was different as they entered the more industrial side of Starling City.

“I’m just pulling over, I wanna check something.” Oliver said, pulling into a vacant parking lot and parking behind one of the older buildings. 

“Seriously, Oliver?” Laurel snapped as Oliver put the car in park and started digging in the center console. “You know how Dig feels about us doing this.”

“Dig’s not here now, is he?” Oliver said, smiling widely when he found what he was looking for.

Felicity rolled her eyes when Oliver held up a ziploc bag of weed and a bowl that he’d made in his high school pottery class. 

“How do you still have that?” Sara laughed, taking the bowl out of Oliver’s hand and inspecting it. “Didn’t you make this in... Junior year?”

“Yes I did.” Oliver nodded, looking back into the console. “Now if only I could find my lighter...”

“Dig confiscated it last week, remember?” Felicity said, thinking back to the last time Oliver had tried to smoke. Diggle had thrown the lighter out the window of Oliver’s room and into a snowbank. “When those stoners thought that god had answered their prayers?”

“Oh yeah...” Oliver groaned and flopped back in his seat. “Dammit. Looks like Ole Diggle’s foiled us again.” 

“If you’re done wallowing,” Sara laughed, leaning forward and showing him a bright yellow zippo lighter with a black outline of a bird painted on it. “You know I don’t go anywhere without The Canary.”

The Canary had originally been a gift to Sara in high school from Laurel’s now ex-boyfriend, Tommy, who was trying to get on her good side. As Sara, and most people who’d been there or heard the story, had said, it was not a normal gift for a girl. The Canary eventually lived up to its name when Sara got bored in art class and decided to paint a bird onto her lighter. Instead of getting in trouble, she’d gotten her lighter put in the art show after proving that the lighter didn’t work properly, probably due to the fact that she’d forgotten to fill it with lighter fluid and change out the flint a day earlier. 

“Thank God for Sara Lance.” Oliver grinned, taking his bowl and The Canary from Sara. “You, my friend, are the best woman in the world.”

“He says in a car filled with women.” Felicity sighed, watching as Oliver started setting up the bowl. “Why couldn’t you wait until we got to your place? Don’t you have a ‘zen room’ for this kinda stuff?”

“But there’s nothing better than a good ole fashioned hotbox.” Oliver replied, taking a hit and passing the bowl and The Canary to Sara. “Besides, Thea should be getting home soon. Don’t want her to think I’m a bad influence.”

“Or worse, a good one.” Laurel mumbled, leaning back in her seat. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“I’m surprised you aren’t trying to stop us.” Sara said, blowing her smoke in Laurel’s general direction. “Or at least get out of the car.”

“It’s snowing, Sara.” Laurel sighed, gesturing to the overcast skies and the snow falling around the car. “Besides, you’re both adults. I’m not your mother.”

“Could’ve fooled me.” Oliver laughed with Sara joining in from the backseat. 

“You’re right!” Sara exclaimed, chuckling a little. “Laurel’s so much like my mom, they share a name!”

“Shut up, Sara.” Laurel groaned, turning to glare at her sister, only to have a puff of smoke blown into her face. 

“Nice.” Felicity sighed sarcastically, scowling at the smell of the smoke in the car. Unfortunately, she shouldn’t have spoken up because the moment she did, Oliver blew smoke in her face as well. 

“We’re gonna smell so bad when we get home.” Laurel groaned. “Dad’s gonna be so pissed when he finds out.”

“If he finds out.” Sara smirked, raising an eyebrow. “You gonna be a snitch?”

“Yeah, Laurel, you gonna snitch?” Oliver asked, giving Laurel a challenging look. 

“No, I’m not going to tell anyone.” Laurel rolled her eyes. “And why isn’t anyone hassling Felicity about telling, huh?”

“Because you’re the biggest tattletale in the universe!” Sara said. “And Felicity is cool.” She turned and gently punched Felicity’s shoulder. “That’s my stamp of approval.”

“Gee, thanks Sara.” Felicity offered Sara a small smile. “How am I just now getting your stamp of approval? How long have we been friends?”

“I don’t need your sass.” Sara replied, moving to hand the bowl and lighter to Felicity. “Here, join the fun.”

“Seriously?”

“Come on, what’ll it hurt?”

Felicity sighed and took the bowl from Sara. “Just one hit, okay?”

Sara scoffed. “Okay.”

* * *

In the end, Oliver convinced Laurel to take one hit by threatening to walk home with the keys in his pocket. Deciding that breaking the law was preferable to a long, snowy walk home, Laurel took a hit. But she wasn’t happy about it. The second time she took a hit, though, she was pretty thrilled.

“Okay, so here’s the plan...” Oliver said as they parked outside the nearest grocery store. “Laurel is the best at talking when she’s high, so she’s gonna be the one who pays at the counter.” He pointed at Laurel, then to Sara. “Sara, it’s your job to get liquids to drink.” Sara nodded once, looking incredibly serious. “Felicity and I will get the food.”

“We should just go back to your place and make some mac and cheese.” Laurel said, rubbing her eyes. 

“We should order pizza.” Felicity said, leaning back in her seat. 

“We should order mac and cheese pizza.” Laurel gasped, clapping her hands over her mouth. 

“Is that real?” Oliver asked, his eyes widening at the idea. “Like, can I get that?”

“Maybe we can get Thea to order it for us for when we get to your house.” Sara suggested, looking over at Oliver. “Can we do that?”

“I don’t know if we should, I don’t want Thea to think I’m high.” Oliver frowned, looking horrified. 

“I don’t want Thea to see me like this.” Laurel mumbled, her eyes filling with tears. “What if she sees us and thinks it’s a good idea to smoke and then starts smoking and then gets arrested? All because we were bad influences?!”

“That won’t happen.” Felicity said in a deadpan voice, looking at Laurel with wide eyes. 

“She doesn’t know what high is.” Sara put a hand on Oliver’s shoulder. “Isn’t she like twelve?”

“I don’t know how old my little sister is.” Oliver mumbled, his brow furrowing as if in deep thought. “Does anyone know how old my sister is!?”

The car was quiet. 

“Why does this always happen!?” Laurel exclaimed after thirty seconds of silence. 

“Laurel, don’t worry.” Oliver said, pulling out his cellphone. “I’ll just call my mom and ask.”

Apparently this seemed like a good plan because everyone nodded solemnly as Oliver scrolled through his contacts and dialled his mother’s number. They watched as Oliver put the phone on speaker, trying as hard as they could to be silent to not give Moira the impression that they were high. Not that Moira would at all be surprised by this, however.

“Hi Oliver, I thought you were on your way home.” Moira greeted after two rings. “Are you almost here?”

“... Yeah...” Oliver said, clearing his throat. “Yeah, I’m on my way...”

“Oh good, Thea’s missed you so much,” Moira replied happily. “She’s been lonely this week, especially with your father away on business.”

“That’s gotta suck.” Oliver said slowly before taking in a deep breath. “I need to ask you something.”

“What is it, honey?”

“How old is Thea?” Oliver asked quickly, sounding almost as if his words had fused together. 

“Thea’s almost eleven, Oliver. You know that.” Moira sounded concerned. “Oliver, are you all right?”

At that, Sara let out a laugh. 

“I’m fine, Mom!” Oliver shouted over Sara’s laughter. 

“Oh, are Laurel and Sara there with you?” Moira asked, her tone lightening. “Hello, girls.”

“Felicity’s here too, Mrs. Queen.” Laurel said, only to be punched in the arm by Oliver. “What was that?!”

“You can’t reveal the secrets!” Felicity whispered loudly. 

“Hi, Mrs. Queen.” Sara said, leaning closer to the receiver. “Have you heard from my dad recently?”

“No, why?” Moira asked. 

“Corporate types are always being arrested. Just wanted to know.” Sara said, settling back in her seat and looking at Felicity. “I think she’s safe for now.”

“It’s always a pleasure to hear from you, Sara.” Moira muttered before raising her voice a little. “Anyway, Oliver, I’m going to have to hang up on you. I have a dinner with Malcolm Merlyn to deal with some business before he joins his family in Colorado.”

“So THAT’S where Tommy is.” Oliver said, nodding seriously to himself. 

“You need to stop being so self involved, Oliver.” Was all Moira said before she hung up on them.

“Do you think she knew we were high?” Felicity whispered, as if Moira could still hear them.

“Why did we even call her?” Laurel asked after a moment. 

* * *

“Do you think Malcolm Merlyn is a serial killer?” Sara had asked.

It had been twenty minutes since Moira had left for her dinner with Malcolm, and ten since the four of them finally made it to Oliver’s home. Without any mac and cheese pizzas. They were sitting in one of the many sitting rooms, staring blankly at the television as a stupid cartoon that catered to adults played. Being four, relatively educated people, they usually wouldn’t find this show funny in the least. But right now, it was probably the most hilarious thing they’d collectively ever watched. 

“I doubt it.” Oliver said through a mouthful of potato chips. “Where could he dump the bodies?”

“Anywhere.” Sara replied, her eyes widening. “He’s rich! Can’t he just buy people to kill?”

“Oh shit,” Felicity gasped. “I think I saw that movie!”

Sara pointed at Felicity and nodded. 

“Fuck.” Oliver muttered, looking worried. “He’s gonna kill and eat my mom!”

“We don’t know that.” Laurel said with a furrowed brow. “Due process. We can’t arrest him.”

“We’re not cops!” Sara shouted, jumping to her feet. “I don’t have to get evidence or arrest him. I can break into his house and find those dead bodies in there.”

“We gotta go now!” Oliver agreed, standing up as well and grabbing his car keys. “We gotta find those bodies, call my mom, and stop him from eating her face!”

“I don’t think he’s a cannibal.” Felicity said, rolling off the sofa. 

“Fancy types like that are always cannibals.” Laurel said seriously as she followed Sara out of the room. 

“Guys, what if Malcolm ate Tommy?” Oliver asked, walking toward the garage with Felicity behind him. “Guys, what if Tommy isn’t in Colorado? What if his dad ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti?” 

“Oh my god, Malcolm Silence of the Lambs-ed Tommy.” Laurel gasped. “Holy shit. Do you think Malcolm stole his face too?”

* * *

“I’m in.” Sara said, half an hour and another smoking session later.

Oddly enough, it wasn’t all that difficult for Sara to break into Malcolm Merlyn’s house. She merely climbed up onto a second floor balcony and walked right in, though the other three would be forever in awe of her ability to scale the exterior of a house. This was a skill that no one knew that she’d possessed, and even though she would never admit it, Sara didn’t know that she had possessed this skill either. 

“Wait, so why are you two the ones who break in?” Laurel asked Sara as she opened the front door so Oliver could enter. 

“I get to break in because I’m the shortest.” Sara explained as if it were the most obvious thing on earth. “And Oliver’s mom is about to be killed, dismembered, and eaten! We might even find a fucking belt made of women’s nipples! Do you wanna see a nipple belt?”

“Kinda...” Felicity mumbled. “Like... maybe a picture.” 

“I think we’re safer being lookouts.” Laurel said. 

Sara and Oliver wandered around Malcolm Merlyn’s house, looking through his closets and underneath his furniture. However, they were doing a horribly bad job, and hadn’t bothered to check in his basement or near his bedroom because Oliver had decided that those hiding places were too obvious. This was apparently a sound argument as Sara readily agreed with him. 

“We gotta check the kitchen.” Sara said, walking toward where she thought the kitchen would be. “That’s gotta be where he keeps his human meat.”

“Right.” Oliver nodded, grabbing Sara’s elbow and leading her to the kitchen. 

Sara dialled Laurel’s number. “I’m heading to the fridge.”

“Be careful, Sara.” Oliver said as he rummaged through Malcolm's cabinets. 

“Don’t do that!” Laurel exclaimed as Sara walked toward the refrigerator. “That’s where cannibals keep their victims’ heads!”

“That’s why I’m doing it!” Sara replied, staring at the refrigerator in horror. “It’s the best way to prove that Malcolm Merlyn’s an actual serial killer or just hella creepy!”

“Why don’t we just ask them?” Laurel asked.

“Oh yeah, I’ll just bring it up all casual. Y’know, ask him for his sign, then ask how he cuts all his victims into manageable pieces. That’ll go well.” Sara grumbled, grabbing the refrigerator handle. “Get your head out of your ass.”

“You don’t have to be rude about it.” Laurel mumbled, sniffling a little.

“Laurel, if you fucking cry, I’m disowning you.” Sara squeezed her eyes shut and wrenched the refrigerator door open before doing the same to the freezer. “HOLY SHIT!” She exclaimed after she opened her eyes.

“What!?!” Oliver, Laurel, and Felicity shouted. 

“He’s got a fucking gallon of rocky road in here!” Sara grinned, grabbing the gallon of ice cream. 

“Dude, let me get a spoon.” Oliver grinned, moving to the silverware drawer.

Just as Oliver was about to dig into the delicious frozen treat, Felicity spoke through the receiver. “Guys, I think that Malcolm has a silent alarm in his house...”

“Why?” Oliver asked, looking forlornly at the ice cream as Sara ate it with her bare hands.

“Because the police are pulling into the drive.” Felicity said worriedly. “What’re we gonna do?”

“I’ll handle this.” Oliver said as Sara shoved the ice cream back in the freezer and wiped her hands on the back of Oliver’s shirt.

* * *

“You got high!?” Diggle shouted three hours later as he paced in front of the sofa where everyone was seated. “I can’t believe you got high! You know how I feel about that kind of thing!”

“In our defense, you weren’t really there...” Sara said with a raised hand. 

“Sara, you broke into a man’s home.” Diggle deadpanned, looking directly into Sara’s eyes. 

“In my defense, I honestly thought he made belts out of women’s nipples.” Sara shrugged.

“And you!” Diggle pointed at Laurel. “I trusted you, Laurel! And you let it happen.”

“That sounds like a lapse in judgement on your part, Dig.” Oliver said, earning a glare. 

“And you even made Felicity smoke!” Diggle threw his hands in the air. 

“I’m not some kind of toddler.” Felicity grumbled, crossing her arms. “And I’m also in the room.”

“I am very aware that you all are legal adults, however; I’m not sure if you all know that.” Diggle sighed, sitting down and putting his head in his hands. 

The four on the sofa sat silently as they were shamed by their friend. 

“How did no one even press charges?” Diggle asked after taking a breath.

“I told them that Tommy asked me to get in there, grab his socks, and mail them over.” Oliver shrugged. “Malcolm just told me I was a good friend and that he’d bring Tommy some socks.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Diggle rolled his eyes. “How do you even know Tommy will go along?”

“Because I saw him pee on a church and didn’t tell anyone?” Felicity said.

“Because I covered for him when he was tripping on acid and playing Pokemon instead of going to that charity ball?” Oliver said.

“Because I picked him up at three in the morning near a foundry when he didn’t have any pants on for some reason?” Sara said.

“I used to give him sex.” Laurel said with a frown.

“Those are all valid arguments.” Diggle sighed. “Did you at least learn anything from this experience?”

“Not at all.” 


End file.
